Some people are so sour about life.  I hope I never get to be like that.  I hope I can always see the best of the worst situations.  I would hate to live any other way...

Today was a nice, slow Saturday.

Warm for November.  We slept in, always a luxury.  Steven hasn't been feeling very good the past few days, so he needed it.  Around noon we went out and got breakfast at the local diner with my dad and his tall, 26-year-old Chinese girlfriend.  Nothing like a farmers omelette with orange juice to wake up to.  I got paid yesterday, so I was able to buy an eighth, which was relieving.  And Steven and I baked a chocolate chip peanut butter cookie pie, which looks very delicious and which I am about to devour.  Now we're just hanging out in the living room, waiting to hear from my aunt Dorann.  Supposed to be going to her house for dinner.  I just made my Christmas list, and its very exciting, but I'm also worried about affording everyone else's gifts.  Oh well, I'll make it work, somehow.  Always do. 

Staying Positive Is A Beautiful Thing

I messed up again.

Backed up Steven's car into his mother's.  This downward spiral stops here.  I don't know what's been wrong with me lately, where my head's been at, and why I seem to want to dig my own grave deeper by the day.  Today is the day where I vow everything changes.  The lazy, disenchanted, foggy-headed me is leaving promptly to be replaced with my more level-headed and enlightened self.  I will need to figure out some way to make this up to Steven, because he is taking the blame for me.  This is very chivalrous of him but I'm so regretful that he will be the one to pay for my carelessness.  The carelessness stops here.  The recklessness stops.  I need to start taking care of myself again.  

The cards have never lied to me, so I read them today.  They speak optimism, but emphasize the point that I must make these improvements for myself, they are not just going to drop from the sky for me.  The Ten of Pentacles speaks of cycles of growth and expansion, of success in future ventures.  The Eight of Swords depicts a woman blindfolded, surrounded by swords in the ground.  My card was reversed and it had a lot to say about me.  It spoke of peoples attitudes getting them enmeshed in problems and preventing them from seeing a way out, but that in my case the need to make changes has been recognized and progress is starting to be made.  It speaks of an opening awareness of outside factors.  The last card, the Three of Wands was also reversed.  It spoke of my desire to communicate, but said that practice is needed in order to do so more effectively.  This I believe relates more to spiritual communication than human.  It also said that I may have to go farther or be more aggressive about discovering new contacts and opportunities.  

My horoscope, even, had very similar notions of advice.  It said:
 Your power to transform your life is potent. There are many options available to you even though it may not seem like it. The one big obstacle holding you back is your emotional state of mind. Your feelings could be sensitive now, making you insecure about initiating the changes you know are necessary for your advancement.

Now I need to do yoga.  Need to reflect, and decompress.  Need to open my eyes. 

hi buy my paintings thanks

Come November, come another car crash.

I rear-ended a Jeep in my Ranger yesterday.  It was completely my fault.  My truck isn't totaled, but it's not in good shape.
Steven went to the hospital yesterday to get x-rays taken on the shoulder that he hurt playing football on Sunday.  Turns out he separated his shoulder and tore the ligament that holds your collarbone to your shoulder, so now he's in an immobilizing sling for the next three weeks, and after that he's probably still going to have to get surgery.  He can't ever play football again.  

Is this a sign?  Is this life trying to tell me that my best efforts, they're still not enough?  What are the circumstances of my life currently pushing me towards?  I surely don't know...